Some however are really dumb.

Okay so before Christmas, this cute Italian guy emailed me via the Guardian website. All very pleasant but the last e-mail sent was from me, saying happy Christmas, email me when you're back from Italy and sure, we'll arrange to go for that coffee then. Right? Right. Anyway. Nothing. Not a peep. Ho hum. A couple of days ago he sends me an email via the Guardian website - Are you still alive? I was kind of surprised since he'd never bothered to respond to my last message, and since my subscription has expired and it's £24 a month and I've got no permanent work at the moment, I just hit the option to send him an automated one-line response saying my susbscription's expired, I'll get back to you when I've re-activated it. Nothing. Nothing. Tonight, he sends another message: Still alive? Oh give me a BREAK. I sent the same automated one-line back. Now, dear reader, let us consider this.

He knows I am reading his messages and cannot respond because I don't have a subscription. The fact that I have not rectified this over a couple of days but continue to respond to him would imply (to ME, anyway) that yes, I do wish to correspond with you but I cannot afford to rectify the problem of not having an expensive paid subscription right now. I've done it twice now. He knows I've been online and if he checks he will see I've visited his profile and I've read all his messages. If he bothers to look he'll see it was him who never responded and left things to lapse for nearly a month. We'll gloss over that though because BEARING IN MIND HE KNOWS I CAN READ, AND AM READING HIS MESSAGES VIA THE WEBSITE, he sends back another that says: I should have given you my e-mail address :(

Oh mate...don't bother. You should have? Why didn't you just put it in that bloody message right there that you just SENT? Hi are you thick? Oh...yes. You are. Jesus wept.