Sunday, 4 January 2009

Every night

Every night just recently I've had really vivid dreams about my ex and woken up upset and all out of place. Every night it's the same thing, or a variation on a theme - that he never really loved me anyway, that he abandoned me. My subconscious saying to be careful I suppose. Still, it's really wearing, and tearful, and I'm tired of it now. It makes me think of a line from a song I've been listening to a lot recently: I'm working hard to erase you, but I don't have the proper tools. My problem is that I don't know what the proper tools would be, or even if there are any.

Anyway, today I'm being taken for Sunday lunch by D, who is a 39-year-old electrician who keeps chickens. The boy from Friday night is driving me slowly mad, as an aside. I feel like I might have to just tell him to go away soon which is a pity but Jesus. We just went for dinner. ONCE.

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