I've been quiet, but with very, very good reason.

As those close will know, and those who read between the lines will have guessed, it seems that - temporarily at least - the search can be called off. I've met someone a little bit special and just for now I'm interested in seeing where that leads us both. You know what they say about Napoleon Dynamite...flippin' sweet. :)

It's a nice, and interesting change. There is no craziness here, just calm and content and a feeling of steadiness and gentle excitement and just...happiness. It's really early days; we've been dating for about five weeks or so. I daresay there are a few little obstacles we need to navigate together. But we went to the cinema on Saturday and the production team of the film we were watching were there, handing out questionnaires for the audience to fill in. I was leaning over his shoulder to compare answers, and there was a question I'd not got to yet:

Who did you come to the cinema with today?

1. Alone
2. With friends
3. With spouse
4. With work colleagues
5. On a date
6. Boy/girlfriend

...he ticked number 6, so I guess that's where we are for now. I will still update; perhaps I'll change the tagline, but for now let's all hold our breath and see what the next few weeks bring!

Thank you for reading. Hold steady. X

Today

Today my dears I have hidden my public profile on Match, removed it from the Guardian, and cancelled on the fat girl website. If I want to reactivate Match I just flip a switch and the others...well, I only really attracted crazy people haha.

Yesterday I got a sheepish email from the Iranian boy; saying he'd lost his phone, blah blah. I sent a short sharp one back saying, oh really? And it took you a week to let me know? Nah. I think not mate....and truth be told, I am not bothered in the slightest.

Let's see what happens next.

Ha hahaa!

I just crept in (yes, it's 3am...oops) and looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. Oh my. So THAT'S what you look like when you make out for so long in the car after the fancy pants record label do that the beard rash has started before you've even got home. Um. I'll, uh, be over here....putting moisturiser on.

I like your sleeves.

Have you ever been kissed by someone and had your whole body respond and not be able to navigate the car successfully afterwards because you're actually dizzy?

You know...there's a lot to be said for the quiet ones.

:)

......*AND*

I hated the Cocteau Twins.

I LIKED MINOR THREAT okay thanks that's all.

Incidentally

Is it wrong of me to want to put all the names of the girls he was fucking simultaneously up online just so they can see what a cunt he is? Because, you see, he's such a fucker he'll have gone back to the same pool of women and will be sleeping, probably, with all of them. All his exes. That's his pattern.

The midweek rant

Okay so first of all, a status update:

1. The Thoroughly Lovely Man from Saturday is actually a slacktacular not-bothering-to-call-to-cancel jerk who I shan't be seeing again after last night's fiasco (basically didn't bother to let me know until 10pm - by which time I'd guessed - that he wasn't coming. Then had the cheek to ask me if we could do something at the weekend, which I've just flat turned down.).

2. The Iranian Much-Too-Young-For-Me-Boy has, I suspect, found someone younger and local. This suits me quite well actually because

3. I rather like Napoleon Dynamite. He's very sweet and we're going to the cinema after work tonight and I'm quite excited to see him.

In other news, I just caught a glimpse of the Cocteau Twins on HypeMusic and you know...it occurs to me that I just didn't register when we were together what an egotistical, boring twat the Heart-Trampler was. I was so in awe that I really didn't notice the fact that we never actually talked about me, just about How Hardcore Andrew's Life Had Been and How He'd Coped Admirably With All His Challenges and How He'd Got Into Music And Knew More Than Everyone Else and just...oh FUCK OFF MATE. Honestly I kind of want to bludgeon him with his stupid record decks. I am SO BORED of these stupid boys with fucking issues, the big fat issues, just MY GOD GET THEM SORTED OUT. I am not interested. I want someone who does not need fixing. Just once. Just this once I want someone for me. And, rather aside from the point....I think it's fair to say I'm over Heart-Trampling, Heartbreaking, Self-Obsessed, Actually Quite Boring, Andrew. And his STUPID FEET.

Okay thanks. I just needed to get that out. Liz Fraser inspired RAGE in me this morning...haha. (Cocteau Twins...oh my god, if i heard ONCE how he heard them on John Peel on his radio in the wild northern wastes of Shetland and it changed his life, I heard it a THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES well hello matey there were thousands of us who had that happen and some of us actually let it change our lives rather than sit there and fucking whinge on about it. Jesus wept.)

How LOVELY.

I just went for coffee with a thoroughly lovely man. This was the nice local one that I'd missed two dates with - third time lucky indeed. He is very funny and odd and extremely handsome. He also does not smell of Dog and I am seeing him Wednesday. Approved!

Hoo boy.

So tonight I had a date with a New One, via Match. He invited me over to his for dinner and suchlike; after getting his address and leaving it with everyone I know, along with his phone number and a physical description, I set out all intrepid, hair done, makeup on, legs shaved, favourite t-shirt and all. Things began to take a nasty turn when he opened the door and an aroma that could only be described as Hot Wet Dog escaped the hallway. Oh please, God, let this not be dinner.

Anyway. He ushers me into a (reasonably....okay scruffy yes but not actually dirty) room and bids me be seated; I did try, but apparently the seat had been broken for quite some time, because there was no audible "oh God I just broke that" noise, more a soft flooooooooooooooooomp as I ended up sitting near as damnit on the floor with my knees round my ears.

The conversation was quite boring and one-sided (his). The food was indeed Hot Wet Dog (I pushed it around a bit and pleaded the fifth). The end of the evening came when I ventured into the bathroom - I just couldn't hang on any more - to discover that the toilet was still festooned with shit from where he'd apparently had a copious and explosive, er, release shortly before I came round. I mean for GOD'S SAKE. You'd never leave something like that would you? Would you? Anyway, horrified, I crept back into the lounge and, since he had started doing the slow creep towards me, feigned sickness (although after the bathroom and the waft of Dog it wasn't much of an effort), and legged it. LEGGED IT I SAY. *shudder* eurgh.

On the PLUS side darlings. The lovely local type who I keep missing has asked if I will go out tomorrow afternoon; the plan thus far is to meet for coffee at 2.30pm and see where the wind blows us. He is evidently not put off by my short fat cripple image. I am certainly not put off at all by his 6'4" really-quite-handsome thing. Oh well we'll see - although if he smells even slightly of Dog I am OUT.

Holdups, hangups and hookups.

So it's been a little while since I updated - I started a new, full time teaching job just over a week ago and that combined with the music writing (which has taken off in a quite remarkable fashion) and the dates - oh there's still dates believe me - has left me kinda wiped out! Anyway. Let us catch up on everything.

The last time I updated was a week ago. That evening, I went to review some bands for the magazine I'm writing for and Napoleon Dynamite came along with me, and you know - he's really quite good fun company. He's a bit odd. I mean...with his physical placing and behaviour around me, I can't work him out, but still we have a nice fun time. I went out again with him Sunday night to see a film, and he's picked some tickets up for some of the gigs I've got coming up to review, including one tomorrow night. He is not very demonstrative in words, but I had an oddly sweet text message from him saying, Hello. I have sent you a list of depressing films. I am looking forward to seeing you Thursday. X Sure enough, he'd emailed me his top fifty depressing films. Genius. He is so odd though. In a good way. Last weekend I also went over to spend the afternoon with the beautiful Italian, V, who is lovely and gorgeous and just...no, no, no. We had a really fun time but I think he is too emotionally messy for me. I like him but not for my man.

My lovely Iranian boy...well, we didn't get together as plannedlast weekend - hence I was out and about. Something cropped up and we put it off, and actually I've barely heard from him; I've actually had to be chasing to get anything from him. And darlings...I don't chase. Ever. Not unless it's really fucking serious. SO the current state of play is...I miss his cheerful little face and his, er, other cheerful physical attributes and so on but he needs to be in touch with me if he wants anything, which I've made quite clear to him.

What else. Oh well I was asked out on a date by a very local guy, literally round the corner, very nice looking, seems quite nice - an illustrator, but we've postponed twice now and he's just asked me out again this Saturday afternoon and so I've just asked my usual question. Hi, you do realise I am short and fat and a bit crippled don't you? No answer yet. Well, it sorts the men from the boys.

Finally...and here's the alarming one. Okay. So. Way back in the mists of time, about four months ago when I first signed up to the dating site for bigger girls (I pretty much just use Match.com now, except I barely use that either, but anyway), I got a few emails and IMs from a seriously...and I do mean seriously fucking gorgeous law student. Much too young. Somewhat out of my league. Vanished mysteriously around Christmas. Didn't really think any more of it. Anyway on...hm. Monday? Perhaps? I get an e-mail. Oh hi. Remember me? ...Why yes. Yes I do.

Well. For some time now I have wondered how straight people do the hookup for sex thing. That sounds naive and oldfashioned, but I have to be honest. Don't forget I never did this before and I've got nobody to ask! Let me explain. I know how Gaydar and the personals work for gay guys (and girls, to a slightly lesser extent). Where I worked, the work I was doing, and the guys I worked with cleared that one up for me. Haha. But for the straights...I hadn't really twigged how that one worked. Perhaps you still have to go out and find someone? Or...er...oh no apparently not. He basically chatted me up a bit, and then pretty much asked me if I wanted to go over to his place on Saturday night. No, shall we go on a few dates and see if we like each other. Just, let's fuck. WELL. Um. Blimey. I actually said, you know honey...we might not like each other. Putting aside all the other social etiquette rules...you just invited a completely strange woman to your house to have sex. Hi are you mad? Apparently no, this is now the Done Thing. I'm going to suggest we go for a DRINK. And then we'll see. I mean I'm not exactly shy but...crikey. *mops brow* Bejesus.

I tell you, it's enough to make you want to get under the covers and never come out.