Un bijoux updatette

Well, following that last confusing episode I've done a bit of thinking and decided that actually...I don't really care that much that I'm not seeing him again. What I do care about is how he somehow felt it was okay to project his stuff onto me and what a whopper of an ego he apparently has. Oh well, never mind - at least he actually came with his crazy showing, unlike others I could mention. Move along!

And speaking of which...you wait forever and then they all show up at once. Yes, gentle readers, it appears to be Emitter Day again, wherein suddenly I am swamped by the hordes. Not that I'm complaining. Some of the horde appear to be quite attractive. Anyway, a rather pleasant surprise today; as you'll recall I didn't go out Saturday night after all, because my leg was hurting and I couldn't be doing with the standing and the (as it turned out) hellish weather, so I called it off, thus cancelling the sort-of-date with (I have to stop identifying him as this) the (whispers) sex addict. At lunchtime today my phone goes and...it's him! Well, I'm AWFUL on the phone with someone I don't know if it's a social call. I get tongue-tied and quiet and shy and nothing comes out, and phone calls generally last a painful couple of minutes before I freak out and make my excuses. But no. We were somehow - I don't know how - on the phone for the best part of an hour laughing like drains. It finished with him saying, so um...shall we go and see that 3D horror film that's coming out, later this week? You can spend a couple of hours watching a grown man cry. You know what, go on then. He is actually very funny and if nothing else comes of it I predict we will get on well enough to have a nice time regardless. He gets full marks for having the balls to call me and try again - I mean for all he knows it was a nice let-down (not, I hasten to add, that it was - my leg was BAD) on Saturday night. Brownie points for him.

Other fresh runners and riders include:

- the national championship winning accordion-playing martial arts fan who likes baking lemon cakes

- the bespectacled and really rather sweet real ale loving hat-hater

- the incredibly handsome but not-really-for-me looking-for-a-slim-athletic-type who keeps sending me emails and batting his eyelashes (I wonder if he's READ my profile? I mean hi I'm pretty but I'M FAT hello and I can't even SWIM, haha)

- the very attractive but..oh woe...LARP fan. For those who don't know, LARPing is...it's...it's...just no. NOOOO. I lived with one o' THOSE before. My ex, bless his heart, who I was with for 7? 8? years all told...he had his fair share of rubber fucking swords. I always said if I'd seen the photos of him in his fucking cloak BEFORE I slept with him it'd have saved us both a lot of time, haha. Anyway. NO.

- the 6'9" (yes...6'9"!) fella who lives about five miles away and who seems very pleasant but I know nothing of him yet (other than he's 6'9" and seems quite pleasant)

- Finally, the large, shy, utterly sweet photographer who today has sent me some of the most tongue-tied, awkward, completely charming e-mails I've ever read. Aww.

So anyway, place your bets. Lordy.

Right then and now here comes the science part where I talk about my godlike genius of a therapist and how things have been changing on quite a drastic level for me since I've started doing this. The dating, I mean. He and I were talking today about how my process is shifting; there's lots going on, stuff I'm not going to go into here, but it really is like a switch is being flicked repeatedly. I know I still have the odd sweaty attack of anxiety before I go to meet someone, and I know I'm still about a hundred times more likely to have my feelings hurt than the next girl because I still to some extent let people in too far, but what I have really been learning about is How To Say No. It's having quite a drastic impact on everything - like I said, there's a lot of stuff I'm not going to go into here, but it's making sense to me. And the Saying No is becoming more empowering, less intimidating. Who'd have thought that dealing with all these choices and my fair share of rude people would leave me feeling more positive about myself than I ever have? Not me, that's for sure - in fact I was pretty sure this was going to be a horrendous experience. Instead, it appears I have many things to thank the Heartbreaker for, because I am more certain of myself (and, as my therapist would say, my Self) than I think I've possibly ever been. It's interesting, and quite exciting.

But enough of all that. Back to the crux of the matter. Am I ever going to get laid?!!!

Haha. Goodnight all.