Every night just recently I've had really vivid dreams about my ex and woken up upset and all out of place. Every night it's the same thing, or a variation on a theme - that he never really loved me anyway, that he abandoned me. My subconscious saying to be careful I suppose. Still, it's really wearing, and tearful, and I'm tired of it now. It makes me think of a line from a song I've been listening to a lot recently: I'm working hard to erase you, but I don't have the proper tools. My problem is that I don't know what the proper tools would be, or even if there are any.
Anyway, today I'm being taken for Sunday lunch by D, who is a 39-year-old electrician who keeps chickens. The boy from Friday night is driving me slowly mad, as an aside. I feel like I might have to just tell him to go away soon which is a pity but Jesus. We just went for dinner. ONCE.
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