Good LAWD.

Man.

I think I mentioned, a few posts ago, about the incredibly attractive guy who emailed me via Match all eager despite his profile going on and on about how sporty he is and his preference saying he wanted someone with a slim or athletic body type, didn't I? Well. I'd sent a VERY brief reply and didn't hear from him again...until (insert drum roll here) this evening, when I get this:

Hiya [insert my name here],

I am great just been busy and then done my back in with a slipped disc - just getting my left leg back, kinda lost all the feeling, but it's doing ok now.

So how are you and what you been up to this weekend, and how's your search going ? Do you have a number- I'd love to have a chat offline :)

[insert his name here] x


Well bugger me. Right...this is just silly. I don't know quite what's going on but we have the most unsuited, mismatched wants and preferences (according to our profiles) that I've EVER SEEN, and I am so tired of all the fuckery, so I sent him this:

Hey!

I'm sorry to hear about your back - what a pain! I hope you feel better soon. I hope you're okay other than that?

This weekend I've been in London visiting my best friend. There was much singing and dancing and general silliness, so that was nice. Usually though I'm out at the cinema or reviewing a gig.

I am very flattered that you've asked for my number but you know...I *might* not quite be what you're after. I notice you're rather sporty and so on and me...well, I'm built for comfort, not speed. I dance but that's about it. So you know, I just thought I'd better point out that I'm actually short and fat and the closest I get to a gym is running away from it in horror. (Sorry.)

Obviously, if you're still interested, hooray! But, you know. Honesty's always the best policy isn't it! And this whole internet dating malarkey. My god. I wish people would just tell you the truth a bit more often, it'd make life a lot easier! So there you are.

X

And...well. I give up. The answer?

Hello again and thanks for your honesty, but I'd LOVE to have a proper chat to you. At best we may like each other a lot, and at the very worst just become friends. So that isn't so bad and look - my mobile is XXXXX XXXXXX - text me if you're still up. I like you so far, so good :)

X

God. I hope he's not some kind of fitness fascist. I don't LIKE going to the gym. Haha. I mean his profile, under exercise and interests, I think he ticked EVERY SINGLE KIND OF SPORT. *facepalm* Oh well. Perhaps he likes the idea of something soft to collapse against afterwards. I mean honestly.

In other news, Shiny D wishes to repeat the experience, apparently. I told you. I'm fucking giving off SPORES or something. Juicy fat girl LOVE SPORES.

...ewwww.