In which your heroine introduces herself.

Well, here I am. This blog wouldn't be happening at all without the gentle support - okay, hysterical prodding - of my best friend A, who begged me to start publishing my dating hell progress online, supposedly to give hope to all the OTHER losers out there but I suspect really just to provide ongoing entertainment for her and her similarly mocking (and, I hasten to add, utterly charming and sweet) fiance. So, where to begin?

Well, I guess an introduction would be a good start. So in the time-honoured tradition of hundreds of thousands of historical romances, I give to you your heroine (ie, me). I just turned thirty this year. I'm short, and...well...fat. (This will be coming back to haunt us, so stick with it.) I'm pretty, and funny, and bright, and I have fabulous friends. I'm witty and charming and I give shockingly good bl- can make my own bread, fix my own car, and bellydance. I collect books and music, I have an astonishingly geeky knowledge of comics, video games and science fiction, I love films and watching live music, I like small children and animals and I generally get on well with everyone's mother. However, as yet, I have not been trampled by the rush of men begging to make me their wife. This is about to change.

Following a string of failed, miserable long and short term relationships over pretty much the entirety of my adult life, I entered into therapy in the summer of 2007. Thank god. That's been a blessing, I'd probably have been on a killing spree by now without my shrink. But following what has to have been the most devastating breakup of all, I've really been thinking about what I want, what's okay, and what's next.

Well, obviously, what's immediately next is...I need to get laid. So, all hands to the deck me hearties, I'm joining an online dating site. I won't be saying which one, but the important thing to remember is this: it's primarily focused on women over a UK size 16, and - as the site itself says - the men who adore them.

Oh really? BRING THEM ON.

And once more into the breach I go.