Exciting new mental state detected and named!

Good morning, fellow humans. Today I have what can only be described as a galloping case of the Nervous Braddocks, which is a new condition I have developed and named following a prolongued and accidentally suggestive late-night email conversation with M. Yesterday was a bit of an odd day. I had persistent hassle from Ch2 (who, I am hopeful, will now not be in touch again after I was quite sharp with him for being so fucking pushy), and then M dropped me an e-mail. It picked up where our last conversation left off - talking about Neil Gaiman and what we were both reading - and then...something happened and all I am prepared to divulge is that I now know a WHOLE lot more about his, er, wants and needs than I was quite ready to hear about. The SHAME. What is even worse is that I looked him up on Facebook this morning in a fit of terrible guilt and he's so YOUNG and so PRETTY and oh god. Please god don't let him send me any more emails. The temptation is overwhelming. OVERWHELMING. *slaps self round face*

Also rather amusingly yesterday, one of the other guys - L, who'd contacted me via the Guardian website, sent me another long and rambly email and goes, oh add me on Facebook yeah? This is my surname. And gives me his full name. I did a slight double take, and added him simply to find out that - yes, he IS the nice marketing officer from the theatre that always gave the women and children's group I used to run free tickets for the pantomime. Small world eh?

Anyway the most exciting thing, and I am even nervous about BLOGGING it because this could potentially be third time unlucky, is that last night, LATE last night, J - the lovely one - sends me a message saying, tomorrow? Yes? I say, yes. Yes yes. Of course, I'm terrified and haven't slept at all. I have damp knees, bloody and scraped from panic shaving. I'm sure I've come out in spots in the night. This is the man who makes me hold my breath when he phones. This could really go wrong. I wonder where I put that propanolol. If I left it at A's I'm going to slam my head repeatedly in a door and cry. Haha.