First of all you'll all be relieved (although mingled with that I sense a couple will be a tiny bit disappointed, and you know who you are) to hear that Jacking Off And Filming It Guy has not been back in touch. I did wonder if he'd leave it a day or two for the impact of his (rather oddly shaped) cock to sink in (oo-er) and then regroup for a second attempt. Not tempted thanks.
Secondly, my Temptation On A Stick, Benjamin Braddock, has also been very quiet. I am very relieved. He was much too young and I have needs. He was in danger of being eaten like a peach and so it's probably just as well it's all gone quiet; even I am disturbed by that image, and I'm in it. Haha.
Lovely, melancholy, sweet J is still all of the above. It's driving me crackers. He's also still being weird and I've been busy this week - apparently it's CHRISTMAS or something next week and I'd blocked it so successfully I haven't done a single scrap of shopping so sadly he's had to be shelved a bit.
The Magician...ah be still my heart. He's very nice. I said, didn't I, that we'd fixed a date for Saturday. It is still fixed; we shall see. I like him a lot. I'm not being funny, so of course you can tell :) I'm also not talking about him too much. I want to see what happens, and I'm superstitious.
I mentioned, didn't I, that I'd had a couple of very nice emails from some local boys via the Guardian's Soulmates website; well, one of them in particular is very interesting and funny and gives good e-mail, as it were. So, since I'm going to this Christmas party tonight I've asked if he wants to come along for a drink. There's going to be lots of other people there and I'm not going to be getting boozed up, so it's a pretty safe bet. We also seem to have enough in common that we'd get along anyway and if nothing else it'll be nice to have someone that might fancy coming along to some of the gigs and so on that I like. HOWEVER. I have not forgotten that I do attract all the crazy people and this one is heavily into cats and their symbolism in ancient Egypt. Which is...well look, we'll see haha. Let's just go and get a beer and see. Hopefully there'll be an amusing/distressing report tomorrow for you all to chuckle over.
And staying with the Guardian...I had one email this afternoon which opened with the immortal line: "You're into Wicca, we can spot each other a mile off." Now then. In the picture on my profile, I am wearing a tshirt with a cartoon owl on it and an expression which can only be described as "confused". In my "religion" section, it says AGNOSTIC. I describe my interests as zombie films, live music, and tea. How - how - does this translate as WICCA? Anyway. I sent him a reply that basically said, um no, but I can appreciate the natural beauty of WICKER, provided it's done tastefully. For some reason he appears to like me. His last message asked whether I was going to ask him out. Reader, I said no. LOL. God I'm such a cow.
I don't believe I told you all about the mouth-breathers from the Match website did I? Well. Two particular ones stand out. OK actually no. There's three. I'll take them one by one.
1. Desperate and local: exactly as you'd expect. Everything about him screams NEEDY, except his photograph, which screams "Special Needs". Hmm, or possibly "Comatose". Anyway. After a couple of exceptionally boring emails from him at the weekend - and I do mean boring. Not even comedy boring, just BORING - I finally made good my escape by telling him I'd got some writing to do and was too busy to have my will to live sucked by entertaining him on MSN for hours. Well, I didn't put it quite like that, but you get the idea. So he obligingly left it a couple of days and then yesterday sent another message asking rather sadly if I was as busy in the week as I was at weekends? I answered quite swiftly - yes, terribly busy. Terribly, awfully busy. I have to go out you know! Review bands! Support local music! And things. Well, this has amazed him. I am a Lady What Goes Out On Her Own. Yesterday he rather timidly suggested that I'd like to take him with me to things. I pointed out that he's welcome to come if he's paying, but I tend to get guestlisted. This didn't deter him. Today he sent an email which said - and I shall quote directly: "i would love to come with you to a local gig. i bet you would like someone to look after you if your honest, you might do lots of things alone but you'd would love someone to share things with." Yes mate. Just not YOU. I've sent him a response in which I said fuck off as tactfully as possible. Jeez.
2. Even more desperate: He sent me an email which said - and again, I quote directly: hi im *** i was wondering if your still single or have met anyone yet im maybe not be your type but given a chance i could be.so please e mail me back even if your not interested thanks *** Please note the complete lack of any punctuation or capital letters. I sent one back saying thanks, my dance card's full right now. His response? When it's not, I'll be waiting. Yes I'm sure you will be, darling. Try closing your fucking mouth on your photographs.
3. The swamp-dweller: Another star letter writer from the weekend. I should never have answered when I looked at his pictures and realised that yes, he too had his mouth hanging open on every single one. Anyway, because I suspected he'd made quite an effort to write the message, I answered, and was rewarded with several boring, boring replies. Until the punchline. He'd asked what I do for a living. I explained, and then asked the same question back. His response? Okay his response in total, verbatim, was thus: "i recycle cardbored". WHAT WITH? YOUR MOUTH?! DO YOU PULP IT?!!! I was so stunned all I could do was send a response that read, "oh". Funnily enough, nothing from him since. But perhaps he's only allowed out of the pulping pit at the weekend.
Anyway, I'm off to make myself beautiful and get ready to venture forth for a bijoux drinkette, potentially with a weird cat lover. We'll see, and buckle up and brace for tomorrow's scintillating report. Don't, um, get too excited though; my track record thus far has been pretty bad for being stood up.
Over and out.
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